Every time I want to talk about my love life, there's always him. Because there's only him in my love life. For three years. He was my first crush, first love, second boyfriend, first serious boyfriend, love of my life, longest crush, probably I do really in love with him, my husband in my fantasy, my mum's favourite, ok I should stop listing it all.
I don't know what's so special about him. Maybe his look. Maybe because of how I feel towards him that's so rare. Every night because of him. Three years ago, I met him. Had a crush on him. Then a year later feelings getting deeper. Last year he moved, got over him a bit. Then we coupled, he was so sweet, feelings come back, then suddenly I broke up with him because I doubted about our feelings. This year he came back, and the feelings also come back. Coupled, he dumped me, now has girlfriend, they've been together for five months...................
I tried to get over him, tried to be happy, telling myself that that girl can make him happy. And then suddenly this negative thoughts telling how easy he got over me and found someone new, how I was his first crush but it was just nothing because his feelings not that deep and then he coupled with someone he just met and now they've been together for five months, longer than me and him although my feelings towards him for three years-
Oh screw Mathematic, I hate numbers ugh.
The point is, until when will I feel this? And then I keep on having crush on hot celebrity, and I don't like any Malaysian boys or Asian too. Just the white people.
I feel so lifeless. I feel so shitty. Crappy. Stupid because still have feelings for someone who's already happy.
WHEN WILL I FUCKING HAPPY?!
I kept thinking about him.
And you know what? I feel such a bitch when I treat this one guy, my ex, other ex, last ex who I don't really feelings for who has feelings for me. I treated him kind of bad. I mean, I really should ignore him so he can get over me! He likes me so much and it makes me feel so rimas ok. Maybe this is how my "love of my life" felt. But, he had feelings for me, too! And I never have feelings for this dude who loves me. And believe me, he's nice but he deserves someone better! He should give up on me!
And I should give up on my so called love of my life, too. Should move on. But that guy's a dude, dude usually get over someone easily.
Ugh I feel such a bitch. Ugh.
Life sucks, eh?
Yeah.
