Somehow, I think I'm annoyed with myself. I hate myself. I seriously do.

Useless.

People said I should move on. They said he's a jerk. They said he's worthless. They told me not to be stupid to show my sorrow. That he doesn't care anymore and I should act all happy. They told me to get over him. But until when? Until when?

He keeps showing up.

And I keep think about him.

Maybe he's changed, not the guy I fell in love with. But he looks PHYSICALLY exactly like the guy I fell in love with. Because he's the same guy except he has changed in virtue of his personality. I don't know how to describe it, it's just, he's not that good guy anymore.

He's a friend of bunch of jerks.

And he....

Already has a girlfriend.

And...

And they're happy together.

While me....

I'm a fool for still think about that jerk.

And I'm still an idiot.

I'm so sick of this. Sick sick sick. Don't tell me I've never tried. I've tried. I've tried so hard. I've tried for years.

And I'm so stupid for dating my best friend who I don't even love him in that way. A best friend forever a best friend and not more than that. No, I couldn't love him like that because, well, he's my best friend. No. And now I lost my best friend.

Now nothing can change anything. It's done.

But well, I'm almost fifteen. I still have long journey. Too long to think about this crap. There are so many useful things I can think about.

RIP the guy I fell in love with. Welcome to the world, jerk.

Ellie Goulding

Well, this is just random post. I think she's a wonderful singer. I love her song. So beautiful. Changed my blog song! :D

And by the way, happy holidays. Lol what, holidays with full of homeworks? I don't think so :p

Feelings.

I don't know why I feel like I want to shed my tears when he told me about his crush. I mean, I never met him. And he's far, far, far away. ENGLAND. How can I have crush on him? I mean, he's nice and we're good friends. We know each other couple of years ago from formspring. I never know we could be this close. I mean, we talk like almost about everything.

Then he asked about what is the oldest age I would date. Well, I don't know, I mean... older guys kind of turn me on. So he told me he has this crush on this girl aged 16 and he thinks he's a bit too old for the girl. And that he'll wait until that girl's older. That guy just turned 19.

I know, he is kind of old, but I fancy old guys.

But underneath it all, I'm kind of glad he can be open to me, talking about his love life hehehe. He said anything happens, he'll tell me. I have a pen-pal!!!! LOL.

Well, it's just a little crush. Not that bad.

Maybe I wanted to cry because I saw my ex's picture holding hands with his girl.... AGAIN.

Who cares? My love life has turned out so great! I need to focus on my love.... for study-udy-udy. Math is not that bad huhuhuhuuu ew huhu?

Lol ok um bye.

It Kills.

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You are arrested for stole my heart and still not giving it back.

It hurts. It kills. Every time I stalk you, it hurts. But I'm too stubborn. I still stalk you. Peritnya hati Tuhan aje yang tahu padahal between us dah lama fade kan? Besides, you're happy. Super happy. While me........... Dah macam minah gila haktuih.

And lagi sakit hati when I fell hurt when see you don't like everything I like. It's like I'm really that bad guy. Sampai orang lain jadi mangsa. Like example, I like ubat gigi Colgate. And then you stated that you don't like ubat gigi Colgate. Pity colgate :(((

Just an example ok.

What's my offense? Why do you hate me so much? And why do I even like you? Oh my gosh. This kill. Really, it does.

Who is the bad guy? Who is the stupid? And who is the ego one? K.







Bye.

I am so tired of everything. I am so sick of everything. I hate this. Hate this.

WHY PATIENCE HAS LIMIT?!

Whatever.

K.